In these austere times, black is the new gold. This men's "G chrono" with Swiss quartz movement, 30-meters of water resistance and telltale Gucci pinstripes in red and green will get you noticed for having a wealth of stealthy style.

Oh the stress: You're convinced that one day your employees are going to find you face down in a pile of expense reports. Don't fear. Your handy "administer chocolate immediately" pendant will let your underlings know how to revive you in case of cacao deficit disorder.

Tan like an Alaskan governor--Sarah Palin reportedly has a personal tanning bed--with the Solar Storm 16R featuring a special face-tanning zone. Indoor Tanning Association president Dan Humiston says "moderate amounts of indoor tanning allow Gov. Palin to experience … many health benefits" and "can help guard against wintertime depression."

Let the amateurs have their candy-colored, credit-card-shaped point-and-shoots. You're a mogul-to-be. You need a real camera. You need a Nikon D60 with 10.2 megapixels, three-frames-per-second shooting, and more than enough black-bodied heft to make you look like a pro.